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The best one-liner comedians

The best one-liner comedians

The best one-liner comedians Steven Wright

His sarcastic jokes lazily fall out of his mouth, but were told in an absurd way as though they were told by someone who studied philospohy. In fact, he did study at Emerson College in Boston and among his most famous jokes there are: “Went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity.” “I like to tease my plants when I water them. I like to water them with ice cubes.” “I saw a bank that said ‘24 Hour Banking,’ but I don’t have that much time.”

The best one-liner comedians Demetri Martin

Martin is a real entertainer and his extra-comic creativity is very situmlating due to his sonic and visual aides. Here are some of his jokes: “I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, ‘I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.’ I said, ‘I am.’” “I like to use ‘I Can’t Believe it’s Not Butter’ on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.”

The best one-liner comedians Henry Youngman

This Jewish born comedian is the typical hard-working comedian. He is famous for his classic “Take my wife…please” and for his part in Goodfellas, as himself. Some of the most famous jokes he ever made are: “My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, ‘Cough!’” “I’m now making a Jewish porno film. 10% Sex, 90% guilt.” “Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, ‘Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami.’ She said, ‘We can’t do that!’ I told her, ‘You did it last week!’”

The best one-liner comedians Anthony Jeselnik

Jeselnik’s jokes are marked by dark humor, where laughter is best served with ample squirming. Famous jokes: “When I finished high school, I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle.” “I’ve got a long history of suicide in my family. The good news is it skips a generation. So, if I’m lucky, my kids will kill themselves.”

The best one-liner comedians Jim Gaffigan

This comedian can approach any topic and just riff on it for an hour, using really cynical lines. This is precisely what makes him so funny: the way in which he can fixate on certain mundane topics. Among his famous jokes there are: “Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.” “Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, ‘Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?’”

The best one-liner comedians Jimmy Carr

This comedian’s jokes are extremely offenssive, but this is what made him special among his peers. The audience even applauded once a Holocaust joke. Here are some of his famous hits: “I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, she’s dead.” “I did a gig in the U.S. once for the homeless. I said ‘It’s nice to see so many bums on seats.’” “British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray!”

The best one-liner comedians Mitch Hedberg

Unfortunately, this comedian died before his talent was recognized. His jokes were absurd and he had an air which gave his audience the impression that the seventies never really died. Some of the most famous jokes Mitch made: “I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.” “I like to hold the microphone cord like this: I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.”

The best one-liner comedians Doug Benson

This comedian is famous because he is usually baked while performing. He also made a small experiment taking the SAT one month while being sober and one month while being high. He claims he got higher scores while he was high. Here are some of his most famous hits: “People say pot-smokers are lazy. I disagree; I’m a multitasking pot-smoker: just the other day I was walking down the street, I was putting eyedrops in my eyes, I was talking on my cell phone, and I was getting hit by a car.” “Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend. And the reason we broke up was I caught her lying. Under another man.”

The best one-liner comedians Rodney Dangerfield

This comedian was never really respected, but he always made fun of himself, and this is maybe why people liked him. Some of his best hits are: “A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.“ “I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.” “I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”

The best one-liner comedians Zach Galifianakis

Zach is probably one of the most famous comedians nowadays. He featured in many movies and he still gets lots of offers to play next to actors which are more serious about acting than him. You may know him from “The Hangover”, but he initially got famous with the help of Tim an Eric and Will Ferrell’s Funny or Die. Here are some of his jokes: “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” “My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron, and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.” “Sometimes, I like to read the bible in public and yell out, ‘Oh Bullshit!’”

 

 

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