Trick: Nod a little while you talk, especially when you prepare to ask for a favor. Scientists discovered that nodding transmits the idea of acceptance and agreement. If you want to be extra convincing, nod regularly throughout the conversation. The person you’re talking to will feel compelled to agree and nod back. Finally, just by nodding from time to time you make a person accept your version of the truth.
Trick: Paraphrase people and repeat back to them what they just said The best way to influence people is to show them that you understand them and that you have real empathy for them. One of the most common methods of expressing empathy is the reflective listening. Studies show that when psychologists used reflective listening, the patients were more likely to disclose emotion and also had a much better therapeutic relationship with the therapist. When you double check what someone just said it shows interest and likeness. Of course, reflective listening has to be used in small but noticeable dose.
Pointing out that someone is wrong is unnecessary and it keeps that person away from you. There is a way to show your disagreement and turn it into a polite conversation without striking someone’s ego. The Ransberger Pivot, invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz, sustains the idea that we should listen to what that person has to say and then seek to understand their emotions and their reasons. After that you can share the common points in your views and carefully explain them your side of the story. Once you agree with at least of part of that person’s belief, you get attention and interest. Therefore, don’t jump saying they are wrong but let them express and then tell your opinion.
Trick: start with something they can’t refuse and work your way up. This is reversed to the ‘door in the face’ technique. Instead of asking something really out of space, request something really small. Once someone agreed to help you they are now more likely to help you until the end, even if the efforts become higher. The idea is to don’t overwhelm that person with requests. Psychologists found it more effective to wait a day or two before making the second bigger request.
Trick: Ask for favors when someone is tired. When people are tired their physical body and mental energy are weak and easy to deal with. When you ask someone tired a favor they will give you an answer something like ‘I’ll do it tomorrow.’ And they might make that favor for you tomorrow since people feel compelled to meet other people’s expectations.
Trick: Mirror their behavior. People naturally mime each other’s gestures. Those who do this often are considered to be chameleons because they try to blend into their environment by miming and copying other people’s behavior, mannerism and even speech patterns. Used consciously, this skill is a great way to make yourself accepted and more likable. Researches show that those who are mirrored are more likely to act positive towards the person who mimes mirrors them.
Trick: Flattery will actually bring you what you want. It’s important to seem sincere when you decide to flatter someone for later benefits. Researchers studied the ‘flattering phenomenon” and found out some amazing things. They found out that people will always look for cognitive balance and they insist on keeping their thoughts and feelings organized in a similar way. Therefore, if you happen to decide someone who already has a high self-esteem and you make it look sincere, that person will like you more since you validate his/her feeling about the self. In case you flatter someone with low self-esteem you might seem fake and it could all backfire.
Trick: Use a person’s name or title. We all react almost at an instant when we hear something at least close to our name. Dale Carnegie, the author of ‘How to win friends and influence people’ believes that using someone’s name when talking to that person is an incredibly effective method to catch their attention and confidence. When one hears its name he somehow receives an identity validation which makes him/her feel positively about the person who validated him/her.
Trick: As something ridiculous at first, then scale it back later. This trick is somehow known also as the ‘door in the face approach’. You made a truly impossible request at someone, something they will not likely reject but then you come back with a more acceptable request, the thing you wanted in the first place. The person will feel bad for refusing your first request and now that you asked something more reasonable, she/he feels compelled to help you out this time.
Trick: Get someone do something for you- also known as the Benjamin franklin effect. The legend says that Benjamin Franklin wanted to win over a man who didn’t really fancy him. He asked that man to lend him a rare book and when he received that special book he thanked him immensely. The result? That man became good friends with Franklin because he saw Franklin as powerful as he as in need for help a thing which often makes people attractive.