- Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.
Man: That works for me… as long as you’re still warm when I do you.
- Man: “Hi, I’m a millionaire!”
Woman: “Hi, I work for the IRS.”
- Man: Do you want to dance?
Man: I think you misheard me. I said you look fat in those pants.
- Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: Female impersonator.
- Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: No problem, I can always withdraw onto your face.
- Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I’ll go to mine.
Man: That’s cool, ’cause after I’m done sleeping with you in the back of my car, I don’t give a crap where you go.
- Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?
- Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you’d be on your knees greeting my crotch.
- Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
- Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there thinks you’re a fat skank.
- Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: For the first half of it, I probably wasn’t born yet.
- Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.”
Woman: “No thanks. There’s already one asshole in there..”
- Man: Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason!
Woman: Yeah! To pick up some chicks!
- Man: I’d like to call you. What’s your number?
Woman: It’s in the phone book.
Man: But I don’t know your name.
Woman: That’s in the phone book too.
- Man: Haven’t we met before?
Woman: Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.